She Was My First Love
by ifidieyounger
Summary: My love life has a time limit. Let me rephrase that. Our love life has a time limit. T FOR NOW.


My love life has a time limit.

It's much shorter than of the others. Way much shorter.

So I have no time to waste.

I have to shine brightly like fireworks in the summer sky. I have to be my best for the people I love. Learn to appreciate what life has given me in a short while. Their hugs and kisses will be the only memory I'll hold on to when I'm gone. I know that.

I have to know that.

I found about this when I was 8 years old. With my little brain to understand those words, with my little hands to clutch on my chest, fisting the hospital gown I was wearing. With that little pain scorching deep inside me, I can't just leave like that. They need me.

She needs me.

"Amazing." Dani breathed holding the stethoscope just right above my chest, her eyes are the usual shining deep crystal brown eyes giving me those butterflies inside my stomach. I know for a fact that I'm just 8 years old, but I know that Dani is my everything. "Your heart's beating really fast." She whispered as she pulled the medical instrument off of me, tugging the buds out of her ear giving me a quite nervous look in the process.

"Wow, doctor. I'm not sure why but…" I answered a little low. As far as I could remember, my heart was beating really fast that moment. It's just Dani and I in my hospital room, it's her usual thing that after my medications she would sneak out of nowhere climbing on my bed with her bare feet, she's my doctor's daughter and since I was here, 4 years ago, she and I became good friends, she would sneak some of my candies and I really don't mind as long as she plays with me- that's how life works when you're a kid, it's that simple to share everything you have but when you get older sharing those things is just a suicidal thing to do.

"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly, inching her face towards mine and I can't help but pull back a little.

"I'm nervous and I have a pain in my chest." I admitted whilst making sure I got my eyes connected with hers.

"That sounds bad." She barely above whisper looking at my chest. "Let's have a look." she concluded with her pale hands clasped together. "Take off your pants." She more of like ordered and my eyes widen in response. "Take off your underwear." She added with a serious voice.

"What?" I breathed with the hesitation dripping in my voice.

"Don't be shy." She smirked and I just shook my head. "I'm a doctor so I'm used to it." She smiled sweetly. I just found myself staring at her, mouth slightly agape.

"So off they go!" she said one last time her hands flying on the waistband of my pyjamas tugging it off.

"No." I whined as I tried to pull her hands away. "Woah, wait a minute." I grumbled.

"Hurry up." She whines back still gripping on my pants.

"What are you examining?" I whined even louder taking a hold of both of her hands.

"I said take them off." She yelled when she managed to pull her hands away and began to tug on my top.

"Nurse! Help!" I shouted when she was almost half way of my pyjamas when all of a sudden she stopped and the whole place was swallowed by the loud explosion followed by the colourful lights illuminating the field just right outside my window.

"Wow." I heard her say when her hands slowly retracted from my pyjamas, her mouth slightly open and her eyes mirroring the reflection just right above us. "San, fireworks." She mumbled awestricken and I just nodded with the same reaction.

It was beautiful.

Dani never waste any second when she gripped me by the wrist and started dragging out my room and ran our way to the rooftop, her little hands gripping mine as we neared the edge, for the first time, that night I never felt any pain in my chest, I almost wonder why. I can breathe freely I even ran by her side. Jumping on my feet as we watched the whole sky turning from blue to red, it was breath taking.

"That's so pretty." She squealed beside me, her hands clasped just right above her chest whilst she jumped with her little feet

"Yea, it is." I cheered happily. "Dan, I'm gonna go get mom and dad." I said excitedly before I get up on my feet with a big smile written all over my face.

"Grab some snacks on the way." She animatedly called over her shoulder.

"Okay." I yelled back and started running down the stairs. It was one of the happiest moment of my life because I get the chance to run and jog all throughout the hospital which been a home to me. I've been here since I was 2 and the idea of being in this place for seem forever seemed cruel for the others but for me this has been the only place that kept me alive.

And keeping me alive.

"Found them." I cheered when I saw my parents talking to Dani's father inside his office. I would usually found them talking a lot, sometimes I even saw my mom crying and my dad drawing small circles on her back and I have no idea why.

"You mean Santana won't recover?" I heard my father's voice say when I was just about to step in, just by that I found myself frozen in my place, and my limbs were no use.

"Of course we haven't lost hope." Andrew's voice trailed and by that all of a sudden the pain immediately burned my whole body. I don't understand. "But please understand that currently there's no known cure." He added and I can even hear the sadness in his voice. "So, this isn't really a cure but her diet and physical activities, these two must be controlled and-"

"But that's just to prolong her life, right?" my dad's strong yet gentle voice cut him off. "If we do those things, how much longer will she live?" he asked a little low, hearing him say those words were like little needles drawing holes onto my heart.

"Don't." it was my mom, with that simple word, her voice cracked. I know she's about to cry, I hate it when I see her cries.

"No, we should know." My dad argued back and I don't think I would even want to hear that, it's just so painful, it's like my chest were about to explode any second.

It was a minute or two of silence, two minutes of my heart being killed slowly.

"Santana's heart won't be able to withstand her body's growth. At this rate,- " Silence. "Santana won't be able to reach 20." When I hear that at first I don't understand anything, those words were the only thing ringing inside my ear. But when I heard someone sniffling beside me, now I understand everything.

I'm leaving before I reached that age.

Dani is just staring at me, her eyes were so sad. I bit my lower lip and just eyed her, when that single tear fell down her eyes I know that a tear escaped mine too. I knew she heard it too. I knew she knew that I'm not going to be with her forever. She knew that I'll just be a simple memory.

My love life has a time limit.

Let me rephrase that.

Our love life has a time limit.

After that moment I felt so weak, it's like I don't think I could move but what they're were doing is just so painful, why do they even have to tie me in here?

"Mom. It hurts." I cried when one of the nurse were trying to keep a hold of my hands before tying it right above my head. "Let go. Please, it hurts so much." I pleaded with the tears continuously flowing, my voice is cracking and yet I don't have enough force to fight back. All I can do is lie here and watch the sun rise and set in front of me.

"It seems cruel but if she moves she might pull out the catheter and bleed." Andrew said and I saw my parents nod with the sign of grief in their eyes, I know that it's hard for them too.

"Let me go, please. I can stay still." I pleaded with my voice cracking. I just don't want this thing around me. All I know that it hurts. "Mom." I cried. "Please.

"I know you can Santana. Good girl." My mom sank onto her knees and her hands flew on my forehead caressing my hair.

"I have to pee." I said when I'm finally a little calmer.

"You're wearing diapers so just pee in here." She said with a small smile.

"I don't want to! You try it, mom! Pee in diapers and have someone change it!" I spat irritably. "I'm not a kid anymore. I can walk through the bathroom and pee myself."

"You're right. You're not a baby anymore." She said with a light laugh and my dad nodded along behind her.

And before I know it, it happened.

"I peed. Please change me." I said lowly looking away. I'm aware that children at my age do not wear diapers, let alone lying in here all day long.

"Okay." She said happily ruffling my hair as she gets up on her feet.

I swallowed dryly as she shuffles on the corner rummaging on the bag of diapers lying on the corner. "I'm sorry." I choked out.

I saw my mom froze holding out a single piece, her shoulders were shaking and there's the light sniffling echoing inside me room. Sobs were shaking her body, I know she's trying to be strong.

"I'll do it, you can wait over there." My father breathed as she held my mom's shoulders. She just nodded handing the wrapper and she went out the door.

He took a deep breath when she's finally out, facing me with new courage, smiling from ear to ear. But when he was just right beside me, he's smile slowly fades away and I can't stop the falling of my tears as I watch him fidget the strap of my pyjamas.

"I'm sorry, Santana." He said with a low voice. "I wish I could take your pain away." Hearing his words brought another pain through my chest causing another train of tears escaped my eyes. "I'm sorry you have to go through this." By that I felt warm that tickles my forearm, he was crying.

I know he was hurt.

"Dani!" I called when my eyes landed on blonde haired girl on all fours rummaging the bushes. The smile that lingers on my lips and those little butterflies flying in the pit of my stomach are only one of those things that Dani does to me.

"Santana! Are you better?"

"Yea, as long as I don't run." I said with a grin when I'm finally two steps away from her. "What are you doing?"

"Can't you tell?" she retorted and I just knit my brows together watching her sitting on the grasses her hands fumbling the lawn. "If I make a wish on a four leaf clover, then it'll come true." She informed me with a wide grin.

"I've never heard that before."

"Well I have."

I hummed in response as I mirrored her actions. "When you find one, what will you wish for?" I asked.

"I don't know yet." She breathed with a pout.

"But you're looking anyway." I mocked still looking.

"Oh shut up! I was bored coz you couldn't play." She said defensively and I just smirked. "Still wearing diapers?" she laughed and I just glared at her. She knows I hate this and she loves to tease me.

"Hey, so if I found a four-leaf clover can I wish for something too?" I inquired.

"What will you wish for?" she asked right away, her eyes were glowing under the gleaming sun, glint of curiosity obvious in her voice.

"To become an astronaut when I grow up." I said loudly.

"An astronaut?"

I nod whilst I got my lower lip between my teeth. "Then Dan, let's get married." I said happily, Dani just stared at me, I really don't know if she has something to say so I go on with my words. "That's my dream. To become an astronaut and marry you. Then work and home would be fun, we could both always be happy." I smiled this time she didn't answer but she looks so broken.

So I gave her one last smile before returning my attention back to the lawn, my fingers were trembling as it met what we are looking for. "Dan, I found one." I cheered but I was shortly cut off when Dani pushes me off of the four-leaf clover and hover it. A questioning look was written all over my face as I watch the sadness empowers Dani's face.

"Please, god of the four-leaf clover! Save Santana!" She yelled on the top of her lungs, her eyes fixated on the clover before her. I found myself staring at her, awestruck. "Don't kill Santana! Please let us be together. Please cure her disease." She added with the tears now gushing down her deep brown eyes. "Please." She chanted and chanted until there's no more voice coming from her.

"Dan." I called.

"Please." She pleaded. All I know that moment is that, I need her to shut up. I need her to just look at me. I need her to just hug me.

With that I get up on my feet and sank right in front of her. _Don't cry-_ is the last thought before I placed my lips over hers, an 8 year old kid shouldn't feel this, but I did. It was amazing, it actually has it's own word to explain this feeling. The feeling of her lips against mine causes the enormous eruption inside me yet I can't bring myself to care.

At that time, I didn't really understand what death really meant

But the world does.

A/N: So here goes the first chapter!

Let me know!


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